Good Morning Judge

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Good Morning Judge

Good morning Judge, I sez to him,

Trying to be affable.

You see the stuff thon Sergeant wrote?

Thon charges, they are laughable.

It’s not my fault the road was dug,

No sign to say ‘speed limit’.

So I drove along the footpath, aye,

It only took a minute.

What stupid place to put a tent,

With BT workmen in it.

I seen you judge, with my own eyes,

Driving from the Masons.

Through Crawfordsburn at ninety-five,

Like the hounds of Hell were chasin’.

Likely you were very drunk,

When you knocked the phone box over.

It took two cops to hold you up,

And you swore that you were sober.

I put it to you man to man,

You definitely were pissed!

And the judge replied, ‘This case in hand,

The charges are dismissed’.

Helen McCormick

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